


All the Difference

by Jenngeek



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 20:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/626391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenngeek/pseuds/Jenngeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“No,” Arthur shook his head slightly. “No.” It hadn’t even occurred to him, to be honest. If these were going to be his last words…well. Goodbyes were always full of regrets. His time for such things was done.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Arthur's last words to Merlin, from his perspective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Difference

**Author's Note:**

> Written to sort out my own feelings about Arthur's death from his perspective. May or may not be incorporated into a larger piece at a later date.

“There’s,” Arthur said, pushing the word out if his lungs with an effort. His chest felt as though it were filling with liquid fire, leaving no room for anything as trivial as _air_. It only hurt in a distant sort of way, at least; mostly he felt warmed to his very center. “There’s…something I want to say.”

 ”You’re not going to say goodbye,” Merlin said, struggling again against Arthur’s weight. 

“No,” Arthur shook his head slightly. “No.” It hadn’t even occurred to him, to be honest. If these were going to be his last words…well. Goodbyes were always full of regrets. His time for such things was done.

“Everything you’ve done, I know now,” Arthur said, staring up into the face of the man that had known him better than any other. ”For me,” he said, voice catching on the word. He knew now without any doubt that it had been for him, _Arthur._ Not the Prince, not the King.  _Him._ “For Camelot. For the Kingdom you helped me build.”

“You’d have done that without me,” Merlin said, and Arthur laughed. “Yeah, maybe,” he agreed, without any conviction.

Arthur would always have become King, certainly. He would have taken his father’s crown, sat on his throne, and carried out his predecessor’s will. It would have been a reign of unending bloodshed and hardship, tears and hatred, that would have invariably lead to the fall of his beloved kingdom.

But that future never came. Because, once upon a time, an appalling little upstart had dared to challenge the world as Arthur knew it. Had upended it, really, by refusing to cow to the Prince’s will and instead found his way into every corner of Arthur’s life as though he had always been there. As though a servant’s place was at the right hand of his King.

It had made all the difference.

God, if these were going to be his last words, they would matter only because  _it had made all the difference._

“I want to say…something I’ve never said to you before.” And maybe there was time yet for this one regret. One he could address with a full heart, and then lay it to rest forever.

Arthur turned his head, seeking out the gaze he always sought first when he wanted to share a joke, or a secret. The eyes that could by turns make him feel like a wretched tyrant, or a man truly worthy of wearing his people’s crown.

Stunned blue eyes locked with his, and something deep within Arthur began to unravel.  _There you are_ , he thought, and the moment stretched over him into a place beyond time and understanding. He was warm, and happy, and home.

“Thank you,” Arthur breathed.

_For being the voice of_ _conscience_ _when I was deaf to my own._

_For being the light of hope in my darkest hours._

_For being the bravest man I ever knew._

_For being the best friend I ever had._

_For being you._

Somehow, Arthur found the strength to lift his hand to gently cup the back of Merlin’s head. He smiled as the world around him blurred, keeping his eyes fixed on that bit of blue that meant  _familyhomehappylove_  until at last everything seemed to fade away.

“Arthur!”

 _Merlin?_ He thought hazily, startling.  _Merlin?_

 _Hush,_  said a soothing voice.  _Sleep, good King. Your man will be with you when you wake._

And so assured, Arthur floated off into the welcoming darkness.


End file.
